Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
But theres a keg here and me gusta
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
