Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Randomize
