I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
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