when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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