They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
We need to rekindle our bromance
My vagina just recognized that song.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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