saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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