Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Randomize
