Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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