You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
