The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
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