do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
