who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
