Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
