I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
