how hairy? two words: wookie tits
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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