could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
it was like his penis was on wheels.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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