why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
