No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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