Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
there was a trapeze. enough said
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
