Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
