I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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