$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
