I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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