Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
We need to get me chipped asap
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Randomize
