I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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