the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
