Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
