I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
