they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
