So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
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It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
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i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Text me some of your sweat
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