one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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