every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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