and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
