I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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