I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
