Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
