I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
