mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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