Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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