Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
