I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
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Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
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I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
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