mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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