I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
