My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Fuck appropriateness.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
