should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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