I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
