took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
