would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
