My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
It's rum buckets o'clock
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
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