Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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