she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
