i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
