i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
