Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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