It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
