When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
