Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
