I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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