gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
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