It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
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Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
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He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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