I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize