I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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