I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
