God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Thank you for not boning my boss.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
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