Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
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These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
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my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch