did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Khloé Kardashian Finally Speaks Out About The Tristan Thompson Cheating Scandal
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
15 Porn Memes You’re Only Allowed To Laugh At If You’re Over 18
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.