i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic