I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Randomize
