Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
