If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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