i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
