May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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