I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
