i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
