You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
wow bdsm is so cute
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
