oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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