Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Randomize
